Hi, my name is Neesha and this is my life.
I guess at a young age I knew of God, but I wasn't sure who he was! I grew up in a good home with parents who loved me unconditionally. My dad had extremely high expectations in us kids and rules were enforced for everything and anything. He had everything figured out with nothing out of place to ensure his “expectations” were met.
Despite how harsh it all sounds, I was obedient and I loved and trusted my dad. Don’t get me wrong, I hated living with these restrictions and boundaries, but I felt safe!
However, at the age of 9, I was sexually assaulted. From that moment on wards what I once knew had gone I was shattered. The safety I had previously felt had been snatched away in an instance. From that moment on wards, I taught myself to feel no pain; I adopted a mentality that “its life so move on”. I never wanted anyone to know what happen, I trusted NO ONE! So I acted tough on the outside, but inside all I felt was an unbearable pain.
Throughout my teenage years, I started to mix with the wrong crowd, smoke, drink and experiment with drugs. I wanted to experience life without rules and expectations!
At the age of 17 my mum suddenly passed away and a bone crushing grief fell upon me and a pain I’d never experienced consumed me. As the oldest girl, I was “told” it was my responsibility to raise my 6 younger siblings. The overwhelming loss and responsibility that fell upon my shoulders that day made me contemplate suicide.
Then my cousin invited me to church
I thought I've been to church before its all the same but for some reason I went and I can’t explain the love that I felt from god as Im sitting their listening to the preacher, how Jesus took my burdens and that I didn't have too live that way anymore that night I surrendered my heart to Jesus no Longer did I feel that guilt and shame, no longer did I have to hide that pain, to act tough because Jesus Christ took it.For the first time in a long time I felt happy and I wasn't on drugs or drunk.
From that very moment my life changed I walked out a new person. I was renewed from the inside out, It wasn't easy but all I knew is I had to trust him I held on to his word in
Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.
Jesus has given my life a meaning and a purpose to know him as my personal lord and savior to have that direct communication with him is so mind blowing even that such a righteous king would redeem me and that the promises he has for me are endless the joy that he fills me with I cant even begin to explain.